cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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