I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
