mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
