paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
