in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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