Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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