Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
