I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
