What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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