So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
