She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
love makes seman taste better
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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