My hand turned me down
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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