she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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