did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
