Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
