That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
