and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
