I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
