she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
