I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
