My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
