So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
