I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
