The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize