Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
