I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
