Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
