butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
