The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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