Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Everyone says I win the strip club
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
