I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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