and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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