You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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