just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
