Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
