he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
