your thong is hanging out like whoa
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
