You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
