Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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