i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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