So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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