Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
