I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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