Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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