When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
