I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
