I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
