when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
