the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
