Porn is love you can see.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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