I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
