I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
