yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
